If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
