I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
