Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
