How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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