if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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