he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
