twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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