the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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