Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
