Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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