covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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