Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
