I just threw up on my dentist
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
50% drunk capacity currently
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
