chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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