Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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