please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
