i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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