This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
