How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
