if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
