Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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