he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
