Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
