so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
