Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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