I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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