Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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