please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
