Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
