He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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