It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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