Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
