Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
