What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
