if only i could text you this smell
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
