I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
