Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
