That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
