she smelled like a LAN party
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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