It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize