He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
