the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
