I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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