Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
