im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
