So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
