If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
