2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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