Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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