dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
