Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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