im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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