I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
